groupphotoshot
Dear Hayley,
I decided to look at some of the old pictures and found one of those groupphotoshots.
I was thinking that I might be able to remember some of the people from the photo that you sent me, by refreshing my memory with this one.
It doesn't work. The faces I remember, the names are gone.
In this picture we are all lined up against the sea front wall. There is Suzy in the middle, she's not bored this time, and the other Suzy. I can see the faces of all the rest, but I recognise few.
Over to the left, Sophie crouches behind me, her arm drapes over my shoulder in a posessive gesture. You're next to me and you wear your beautiful smile. We hadn't slept much the night before as we had the last shoot for the film scheduled for 7am that morning on the beach, when we could have it to ourselves.
The reason we hadn't slept I can't remember exactly, but I guess we'd been out all night playing pool with American sailors.
Martyn x
Martyn,
I feel those same faces fading, and it seems like the harder i try to remember, the more i try to hold on, the faster they fade and the further away they slide.
Sophie loved you, but she could never show you.
She would think that by talking about you, and dreaming about you, you would somehow know.
Sophie never stopped dreaming, and sometimes i wanted to grab her hands and force them upwards, lift her chin to the sky and shout, 'Look, can't you see this? This is all yours, you can do anything if only you believe in it. Here, today, now. Believe in it.'
I wonder if she is still loving you now, five years on and across the sea.
I hope she is happy.
Dear Martyn,
Last night i dreamt of Sophie.
She was dipping her toes in the sea, her milky skin meeting salt and shadow.
The sun was beginning to set, and she was alone on the beach.
I was watching through a window, thinking about the curve of her body, and how weightless she looked. All flesh and motion.
As i watched the waves lapping gently around her, she began to walk out into the water.
Face forward, she just kept on walking, and there was no resistance, no stumbling.
She just kept on going Martyn, until the sea had swallowed her completely.
And it was like she had never been here at all. I forgot her face, i forgot everything.
What does it mean?
Hayley x
Your dream reminds me of our summer in Greece... we swam every day for seven weeks.
The only photo of Sophie that I have is the one you took when we were in the back of the truck hitching a lift back to Athens to get the bus home. All sun-tanned, dusty and hair blowing in the wind.
I still can't believe my camera was stolen with the photos of that amazing weekend in August.
She looks so happy in the photo.
I have no idea what your dream could have meant. Were you ever jealous?
Martyn x